Wednesday, May 2, 2012

motherhood/versus girlhood dreams


Today for the first moment ever I had the overwhelming feeling that i'm not going to be able to accomplish anything for myself because i'm a mother!!! Crazy...i know...and sad to that i felt this way for a few minutes but after the moment passed I realized that other women have felt this way too. All  i ever wanted to do was be a mother...and its the best thing i've done. It is stretching me in ways i never thought possible! i love those moments of snuggling with my kids and hearing them laugh..but then i have those moments of, gosh i wish i had more time to craft, more time to read, more time to write, more accomplish all the silly dreams that run through my head. In fact as i write this its hard to concerntrate because my four year old is talking!! Haha. Never a moment alone to even think ...but that's okay..she wants to read a book with i don't get to read or write for myself ..but i will foster the love for those thing in them until they start school and then you better believe i'm doing all those things for least until they come home!Ha

Thursday, August 11, 2011

life lessons...

dear Reader,
How the painful life lessons are... I wish I was the perfect person that I want to be. I wish I didn't' have to learn and grow anymore. For the growing brings very painful "growing pains". This week has taught me that I'm not as trusting in my own abilities as I thought. I didn't' realize that my ego was so fragile! It embarrasses me that I would even feel this way.

I have learned that not all inner thoughts should be shared, because those who love you will jump to your defense to protect you. Those you love you will want to do something to take the pain away, even if the pain is superficial.

How do I become and react the way I should? Why does the natural man/woman take over sometimes even despite your best intentions? When I'm in pain, i tend to hide and wait for it to pass...but others want to say my feelings for me. Its fine line to know when to be quiet and let the storm pass and when to say something. How do you know?

Relationships are very funny. Any good relationship, family or friends take a lot of hard work, understanding and forgiveness. Sometimes I lack in the forgiveness department. Sometimes i forget to turn the other cheek and realize that the person is not trying to harm or hurt me...they just don't see things how i see things.

Funny how when you've wronged someone it feels like you've committed a "sin". The wrong "hangs over your neck" like a huge stone that you desperately want to break free from. I hope that I can be a better person...I hope i can over come the "natural man". I hope i can see past my own feelings and think of others more than me. I hope to right the wrongs that have taken place. I hope that forgiveness is on both sides. I hope that those who have been hurt by my protector understand love for someone else can make you do and say things you would not normally. I hope that i can be the person next time in a situation like this that i can be proud of...I hope I have learned my lesson...I don't want to go through this again!!!


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Bieber Fever has offically hit our home!!!

Dear Reader,

So Beiber Fever has finally hit our I have a ten year old girl who is in love? Nope, I have a ten year old boy, who now wants to be Bieber!!! For the past two days he has spend almost all his waking hours watching the movie "Never, Say Never, and then practicing his hip hop dance moves. He's actually pretty good!!! I wake up in the morning hearing Bieber songs and go to bed with "Baby, Baby, Baby OHHHHH... I'm going a little crazy!

He is also wanting his hair to be long as well.. Too bad we just shaved it off for football! Hahaha. I love giving me a taste of what is to come when my twin girls finally become this age. I cant' wait to take them to their first concert and hear them scream and cry like crazy girls. For the record I NEVER did this...I may have LOVED the New Kids on the Block but i kept all that craziness in side!!

Who was you childhood star crush???


Monday, August 1, 2011

How does media affect/effect you??

Dear Reader,

Today I started thinking about how watching different shows can affect how i think of my life. For example, yesterday I came across the show "keeping Up With the Kardashins" ( spelling?). After watching the show i noticed that i had this urge to "spend money", like getting my nails done, new clothes, etc. I didn't like the feeling. Then this morning as i lay in bed, (sick) i came upon a show called "Downsized". It's about a family who used to have a great income and was living the so called "American" dream. However, two years ago the husband lost his construction company and they were struggling to support seven kids. His wife was trying to start a new cleaning business. She spoke about how embarrassing it was to go from having a house cleaner two times a week to cleaning her friends homes.

The family showed how they were trying to cut all the extras things like, eating out, cable, sports clubs for kids, etc. They spoke about how this really helped them see the important things in life. How their kids were learning how to budget and how to work hard to earn money. The kids were also giving money to the parents to help out with things.

After watching this show, I had a much different feeling than after the first. This time, i felt so blessed that my husbands income is pretty steady, that we are able to afford sport clubs for our kids, that even though i coupon for groceries I do it for fun...for the challenge, not because i have too. It made me want to budget even more! To look for more ways to save! Aaron and I always talk about how we don't know what the future will bring...we are very aware that at any moment life could turn upside down.

I walked away from the show with so much gratitude! It was weird to realize how media affected me so much. It has taught me a very important lesson.. First no more freaking Kardashins...and be careful what i watch because the very thing on T.V can change how i feel about myself and my life.

How does Media affect you?


Monday, July 18, 2011

Family gathering....

Dear Readers,

Summer brings many family gatherings, which I love and at times feel overwhelmed by. My husband comes from a family of 15 siblings...half's, step, and so on! It's so great to get everyone together but wow...we can make a real scene. Tonight the family went out to dinner and thankfully we had most of an out door patio, but i could still see people watching our crazy bunch. Kids running around, people eating and talking with loud was a great time.

Such gatherings make me thankful for the people i have in my life. With so much family come a lot of drama...but also the security of knowing that there is lots of support. It is wonderful for my own children to have so many cousins to play with and get to know.

Summer time family gatherings are even better than the holiday's because they are stress free! The late setting sun make the gatherings last long into the evening and we all go to bed totally exhausted! I'm loving summer time :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Mama will you play with me???

dear Reader, I hear this statement from my daughter Sydney at least a hundred times a day! I struggle with my answer. Do i play or do I do the many things that need to get down to run a successful household? Each time she ask my answer differs depending on what im doing that moment. Sometimes I can drop what I'm doing and spend time with her and others....well dinner will not cook itself!!! I am not a mom who plays with Barbies really well, I mean its not great conversation with a 3 1/2 year doing a puzzle or a board game, I'm all over but alas...this girl loves to play with barbies or stuffed animals. My sisters love to see my "try" and play with those i said, I'm not very good with it. NOW my sister Michelle is a great "play with me mommy"...when she's not pregnant!!! ha ha During the summer it is she who is in the pool with her kids and mine while I lay out reading a book!!! We all have our strengths right! I think that if all my sisters and I were one person we would be perfect, Erica is the smart one, Michelle the playful, gorgeous one and I"m....crazy!!! So what will my answer by today when my daughter ask "Mama will you play with me?"...Well its Sunday so "Yes" baby....I will stretch my imagination and play with you!!!! But can we do a board game? Kristen

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

do your kids annoy you or is it just me?

dear reader,

It has been one of those days...the one where i found myself crying a lot and wishing I was on some far away island. Lately i've been feeling guility about the fact that my kids annoy me!! Now the 9 year old is actually fine. It's the 3 1/2 old twins that drive me up the wall. Picture this: right now i have two very unhappy girls screaming in my face as I type because Daddy just told them it is time for bed. However, after he caused this ruckus he has now disappeared leaving me with kids screaming in my ear!

I love my kids I do! But i struggle with getting past how annoying it can be to be their mother!!! The whining, fighting, screaming, making unimaingale messes etc. are really getting to me. I'm hoping this is just a phase for me. I find myself wishing this time away and hoping for them to be five...i remember five was pretty cool with my son. But who knows...they are two drama filled girls.

The dilemma is that at the same time they are annoying me, i can still look at them and love them so stinking much. A simple hug, kiss or I love you from them just melts my heart.

i know children are a blessing....Uh...Lord...lets pour out some more JOY in Hoke house please +:)